Those tender reminders!

Life for he next few months is good! I have my own apartment and I am providing for Avri. She seems to be doing better! She is eating solids now and is hitting all the little milestones she should be hitting. She seems to be cross eyed but that is the least of my worries. She is growing and is healthy and happy! The one thing in my life that keeps dragging me down is the man in my moms life. He is not stable, he is insecure, and he was down right mean at times. My mom had been going to collage and was done now, so she had made the decision to move to Utah so she could get a job. maybe she already had an offer, I don't remember. Her parents had come down to help her move and the boyfriend and I got into a huge fight! He was calling me names and being nastily to me and my grandfather heard this and came in and stopped him. it was the first time in years that some one had stood up for me like that. I was still so hurt and so the interruption of my grandpa just allowed me to leave. I Had not fully decided t this point if I was going to utah yet. I had what I needed, I could take care of myself and Avri. Granted I would be alone. All my family lived in Utah. I was so confused. As I walked out I saw some thing in the dirt that reminded me of my lost faith.
When I was little I would lose something and I would hit my knee's and pray asking for help finding what I was looking for. I had so much faith that I would stand up and think ok where is it? Like the object I was seeking would just appear or I would have this clear voice blurt out where to go. It never happened that way! It never failed though I always hit my knee's every time. I could not sleep without a small word of prayer every night. I got lazy and in the habit of laying in bed to pray but I prayed. So one day I lost one of my earring! My mom had given these earring to me and they were so special to me. They were the prettiest earrings I had ever owned. They were gold squares with my birth stone in the center. This was not a common earring that I had ever seen before. I prayed for help in finding that missing earring, and more than once. I never did find it. I think I prayed for help until I forgot about it. What I am saying is as a child all those times and I never lost faith.
I had been given a reassurance that heavenly father loved me the night before Avri was born and I had forgotten already! Where had this pure faith of mine gone? As I was walking out of our house in Klamath falls Oregon. Walking away from my mom who had tried her best to support me. Walking away from my grandparents who had begged me to move to Utah. Walking away from any chance I had at going back to church! I saw this earring embedded in the dirt. It had been stepped on and ran over, but it was the earring. I had forgotten about so many years before. I stopped and to this day, I remember thinking after all these years you answer my prayer, you never forgot! I am not worthy of a thought and you remember! I don't know where that earring came from, it was so embedded in the hard dirt I could not even get it out, but it reminded me of the love I had in my heavenly father. It reminded me of the faith I had as a child, and it made me think when did I let it all slip away!
Avri was 9 months old when I moved to Utah. Some one knew we were coming because we had a group of elders waiting to help us move in and we were immediately consumed by our new ward. From this day on I knew that Avri was not sent to me as a punishment for my wrong doing! She was sent to save my life. She was sent to bring me back! Her spirit was so strong has remained that way. Heavenly father had given me a choice spirit. He did not do this because I was bad or not loved, he did this so she could bring me home one day!
The point of the earring, if I would not have seen that earring as I walked out that day, I would have let the hate I had at that moment stay in my heart! I would have stayed in Oregon just to spite everyone who was trying to love me. I would have went back to my old friends, because they were all I had left and I would have been engulfed back into my old ways! I would never have been reminded that I was a child of god who still loved me!